I thought everything might get better if I got into a good relationship. The first night we did anything sexual I broke down in the middle of it, kicked her out, and cut myself more than I ever have before. I really want to just end things with her, and life, before things get even shittier, like they always do. Fuck.
Last fall semester one of my professors told us the proper way to kill yourself if you plan on shooting yourself in the head. Ever since then I’m thinking that’s the way I’m going to do it. Except that’s no fun. The one way I really want to go is by jumping off of a really high cliff with someone I care about. That way, there is one moment of complete bliss before the end.